WHAT THE BUTT WAS PAUL DINI THINKING?!
Paul Dini. The man’s reputation precedes him. He’s got writing credits a mile long that includes awesome episodes of Batman: TAS, Superman, Batman Beyond, Justice League, etc etc etc. For every episode of genius that he has given to the world, when he creates something that does not live up to ‘The Dini Standard’, it shows. Big time!
Episode 5 of JLU opens with Wonder Woman being turned into a pig. Already we’ve gone off the deep end. You don’t need to go any further – we are already in Crazy Town, population: Dini. Magic features a lot so far in JLU, but this is the weirdest application since that episode of the Super Friends where everyone was turned into dwarves and forced to work in mines. Who has cast the accursed pig spell? Why, none other than Circe from Homer’s Odyssey. I guess that checks out…it’s random, but justified in-episode. Not only does the villain of the week have (seemingly) one power – turning people into animals, but her main weakness is music. Or a classical appreciation for a good performance. Or something. Did I mention this episode is a comedy? It’s bizarre but it is definitely supposed to be funny.
Batman and Zatana team up and get Medusa to snitch on Circe. They confront her at a night club (her secret plan is to rock the night club circuit?!) and she seems unstoppable. In order for Circe to relent and turn WonderPig back to normal, BATMAN HAS TO SING THE BLUES. He gets up in front of paying, high-class patrons at the night club, and sings “I’m Blue” and it makes Circe cry. It’s straight out of a shitty fan-fiction. Or worse, it’s one of those fan fictions that promises action and porn and characters hooking up but the punchline is that you read the entire disappointing thing and there was nothing of value but characters breaking character for the sake of bullshit.
Sorry, rant there. Seriously, Mr. Dini: what were you thinking? Batman doesn’t sing. It’s like having Batman do a comedy stand-up routine with zero buildup. It’s like Batman teaching a college-level course on pottery. It makes no sense.
The worst JLU cameo so far happens mid-episode. Batman calls on the jobber B’wana Beast to help locate WonderPig, and the whole time I’m thinking “who the crap is that?”. It’d be like Vince McMahon calling up his old buddy The Brooklyn Brawler for a top secret mission. What’s worse is that the guy finds Wonder Woman, then loses her, then we never see what becomes of him. What a loser.
Finally, this episode is so damn iconic (for good or bad) that THEY PACKAGED THE BATMAN TOY WITH WONDERPIG. WTF!
1 / 10 worst “love it or hate it” episode ever