JLU S1E4: “Hawk and Dove” Mini-Review

What a stinker.  It just goes to show that even the awesome DC Animated team isn’t fallible.  The chink in their armor: message shows.

Super Lame and his Apologetic Brother

This episode introduces us to two lame-ass characters, Hawk and Dove.  I was confused at first because I have been reading recent issues of ‘Birds of Prey’ which features a female Dove.  Hopefully that means that the Dove in this cartoon was killed off.  What a terrible character.

I am a huge proponent of peace in real life, and I am a big anti-war guy.  But this episode kind of fails at getting me pumped for peace.  The stage is set in ‘Kaznia’, aka Eastern Europe, where two warring factions fight under the influence of Ares and his unstoppable war machine, The Annihilator.  Ed Asner voices Hephaestus  the Greek God of making cool shit.  He made the killer robot and gave a fatal flaw: it can only fight non-lame DC heroes.

Oh, Dove.  I wanted to like you.  The brothers are introduced in a bar-room brawl with some rednecks where Dove does sweet judo moves intended to turn his attackers’ punches and kicks back on them – but it winds up injuring them in terrible ways.  He’s all about peace, see, and his brother Hawk is all about fighting.  Just like Skeletor!  Too bad Hawk has to look after his nitwit brother who doesn’t know how to convince anyone that peace is actually cool.  Dove tries to convince the rednecks, soldiers, Hawk, Ares, and the robot to “try his way” aka not to fight but come to a peaceful resolution.  Every time he comes off as super lame and preachy.  Sigh.

Dove’s problem is that he comes across as a pushy wimp.  He’s that annoying guy who can’t shut the fuck up about how he has everything figured out and how his line of thinking is superior.  In this way he is pretty fanatical about pushing peace on everyone.  He’s like Hawk’s annoyingly religious brother, like they had one Born Again Christian in the family and Hawk has to take care of him and apologize to everyone he pisses off.  I know the writer wants to show Hawk and Dove as opposites, one loving fights and the other trying to get out of them, but Hawk comes across as a moderate who recognizes social cues and whups ass when he needs to.  Dove just can’t stop talking about peace and can’t relate to people, even when he is in the middle of a warzone he’s all “stop all the dang fighting everyone!“.

This leads me to believe that Dove has a borderline personality disorder.  If he wasn’t all into peace, it’d be something else, like heroin or being way too into a band.  Remember that annoying guy who was WAY TOO INTO Dave Mathews band or Jesus Christ Superstar or Ke$ha and would quote them all the time and sing the songs at really inappropriate times?  That’s Dove.  Clearly he’s special needs and his brother is just towing the line.

The episode has been the worst so far, even though it has a killer robot, 3 heroes, 1 villain and plenty of explosions.  The Annihilator picks up and uses tanks as projectile and two-handed weapons all the damn time!  To him, tanks are like dead branches in the forest, waiting for you to pick them up and turn them into deadly weapons.  Dove is a total boner-kill in every scene he is in.  Wonder Woman actually shows restraint in the face of being really pissed off (and justifiably so!), which is the real lesson of peace.  She even says “it’s harder sometimes not to fight” while Dove is standing there picking his nose babbling on about peace.  UGH.

2 / 10 Message Shows Suck


…and Ares is literally Czarm from Captain Planet.  That is all.


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Movies + Video Games = The Jumpmen Podcast
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