Top Five ways to survive a zombie attack!

5.  Find a super hot chick.  Bring her back to your camping tent and bang her for like 3 hours.  Then leave her in the tent at night and go sleep up in a tree.  Zombies will go in the tent and eat her.  You stay alive. Bonus: The hot chick won’t eat the last bowl of your corn flakes the next morning. (Hot chicks are selfish.)

4.  Hide in a library.  If someone starts making noise, they are either a zombie or a rude dickhead that doesn’t understand what “no talking” means.  Either way, kill them.  Bonus: you can read all the Hunger Games books with no late fees.      

3.  Make friends with a dude in a wheelchair.  If zombies start chasing you, dump your new friend out of the wheelchair.  Zombies will eat his ass while he tries to crawl away, and you now have plenty of time to escape.  Bonus: you can ride the wheelchair down a hill and give your legs a well earned rest!

2.  Move to Canada.  Zombies fucking hate Canada. 

1.  Always let an ugly chick watch you bang a hot chick. Then tell the ugly chick it is her turn next, and that she should wait for you in the tent with her eyes closed while holding a stereo that is blasting heavy metal music.  The zombies will hear the music and eat her ugly ass while you run away.  Bonus: the heavy metal will drown out her death screams.



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Movies + Video Games = The Jumpmen Podcast
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One Response to Top Five ways to survive a zombie attack!

  1. Most I’ve laughed for ages, thanks!

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